Hot Air

Finally, a reality dating show for old people

It’s official. Senior citizens are getting their own reality show.

I said, IT’S OFFICIAL. SENIOR CITIZENS ARE GETTING THEIR OWN REALITY SHOW.

Last night during ‘The Bachelor,’ which I keep missing for some reason, ABC-TV put out a broadcast casting call for “Seniors Looking for Love!” Aren’t we all?

Are you entering your golden years and looking for romance? The Producers of ‘The Bachelor’ are looking for active and outgoing single men and women IN THEIR GOLDEN YEARS for a new exciting dating show!

Hopefully, the new dating game isn’t too very exciting or they risk losing some cast members.

And there shouldn’t be a lot of stair-climbing in the mansion.

The future show also shouldn’t air between 5 and 6 p.m. when local restaurants offer their discounted Blue Plate Specials.

And as seniors know now, 9 p.m. is the new midnight. So that’s too late to show it. Yes, they could record it. But that’s so confusing because the DVR Select light is always flashing, no matter which button you keep punching.  Even Exit. And how do you set a recording time when the clock always flashes the same time?

ABC did not provide many details about the new dating show, except every contestant needs to be single and over 65 years of age.

So, young whippersnappers in their early 60’s are outlawed, forbidden, not allowed. Simply too juvenile and immature for such a Cupid caper. ABC will surely be carding applicants to check age requirements. No fake IDs seeking entry at the door.

Possibilities to recruit advertisers are abundant. Prilosec, Nexium, Pepcid. Tylenol, of course. Denture cleaners. Investment advisers for people with gray hair. Grocery delivery services. Pet groomers. Liquor (Drink Responsibly).

No word on the exciting activities planned for contestants to be filmed doing. Possibly canasta, bridge. Perhaps Scrabble. A competitive poker game with heated language might be a little rough for this crowd.

And chess could take too long, especially if like me a player falls asleep awaiting a move.

Driving to the park with the left blinker on constantly. Sitting together on a bench. Watching someone else’s grandkids on the jungle gym. Long walks on the beach. Near sunset.

Quiet dinners on the patio. Reminiscing about The Monkees. Davy Jones’ passing some years ago. Then, Peter Tork last year. One glass of wine max to avoid drug interactions. There’s sure to be a joke about Viagra in there somewhere.

But hand-holding is probably as far as it’ll go. Well, maybe cuddling by the fire as if an entire camera crew with boom mike is not leering from three feet away.

No waving to the kids. No, No. Do not look at the camera. OK, Cut! Let’s do that one more time. Just be yourself in this frigid, fake living room with all these hovering strangers.

And for the final scene in the backyard, the couple, no clothes visible, holding hands between separate bathtubs looking out over the lake. Unless that knee is bothering him again because it’s going to rain soon.

Sure to be a hit with viewers. Even on a streaming service, whatever that is.

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